Book Excerpt: ‘Called To Be Friends, Called To Serve’
In an age defined by hyper-polarization comes a story of an unlikely and surprising friendship between two individuals with radically different backgrounds and histories who find each other because they were found by God. Paul Marshall’s book, “Called to Be Friends, Called to Serve,” commemorates the never-before-told friendship between theologian and advocate John M. Perkins and philanthropist Howard F. Ahmanson Jr.
Their story is a journey of hope through differences, tracing Perkins’s and Ahmanson’s distinct and overlapping biographies, vocation, leadership, and the significance of their emerging friendship for the good of others.
The following is an excerpt from the book. In this excerpt, Religion Unplugged has republished the preface written by Pastor Rick Warren:
In today’s world, we are increasingly segmented by our interests, segregated by our neighborhoods, separated into economic and ethnic groups, polarized by our politics, divided by our demographics, and isolated by our modern lifestyles that focus on individual pursuit rather than the fellowship of community. In that environment, real friendships between people who are unlike each other are increasingly rare.
The reality is, most of the time we hang out with people most like us. Yes, we see diversity all around us, and we may even accept it. But we’re most comfortable with people who think like us, talk like us, believe like we do, grew up like we did, and share the same values, priorities, and perspectives on life. But as new technologies and globalization increase our contact with greater diversity we desperately need to be schooled in friend-making with people not like us.
Most of the world is not like me, nor you. In the context of the whole world, everyone is a minority.
This is why I hope you’ll not only read this a new biography by Paul Marshallbook, but I hope you’ll buy five more copies to give to others. It could start a new movement of bridge-building friendships, and that would be a very good thing.
Paul’s book, “Called to Be Friends, Called to Serve,” is the unlikely story of two amazing men from different worlds who should have never met, but through the amazing grace of God, they not only met, they became life-long friends. These two men are my friends too: John M. Perkins and Howard Ahmanson, Jr.. I’ve known, loved, respected, and learned from John and Howard for decades. Both are amazingly brilliant and articulate. They are sharp thinkers and neither wastes words, so anytime John or Howard start talking, I start taking notes.
If you want to understand the beauty and blessing of their friendship you have to look deep at both parts of it. There are ways that they are completely different and there are ways that they are alike. Just as in a great marriage, you have to maximize both to get the most out of a relationship. Great friendships, like great marriages, don’t deny or ignore or minimize or just tolerate differences. Instead you celebrate them and enjoy and benefit from the differences.
I founded Saddleback Church in Southern California and pastored it for forty-three years. Today it may likely be the most diverse church family in America. Our members speak over 110 languages. We call ourselves an All Nation congregation. Most of the pastors on our staff of five hundred are not white. That diversity is the secret of our congregation’s richness, strength, and creative innovations. We say “We’re not color-blind! We’re color-blessed!” Our church was built one friendship at a time. How do you do that? This book models for you how you can do the same with any other group you’re a part of.
You probably already know that John is famous for his leadership in community development, racial bridge building, justice, poverty reduction, and reconciliation. His award-winning books are used as textbooks in many universities. And, of course, Howard is famous for his extravagant philanthropy and support of so many Christian and community causes.
What this wonderful book will help you understand is howa friendship can be birthed and cultivated between people who appear to be the opposite of each other. It’s the kind of story that Hollywood loves to make movies about: the odd couple, the unexpected friendship, the boundary-breaking collaborations between opposites who join together to make a difference in the world.
Born into poverty in 1930 in Mississippi, John Perkins was the son of a mother who died shortly after his birth and a share-cropper father who left the picture soon after. So he was raised by his grandmother, a courageous woman who also happened to be a bootlegger! John had to be a fighter to survive, and survive he did. John lived through all the indignities that came with being a black man in the deep South. He knew how it felt to be beaten up by law enforcement for pursuing dignity, and equality, and simply wanting to be treated as a human being.
At the other end of the spectrum, Howard Ahmanson was born in 1950 to one of the wealthiest men in America. His mother was glamorous and intelligent, but she struggled with alcoholism. When Howard was born seventeen years into his parents’ marriage, the implications of his unexpected arrival added new family stress. So, Howard too had to fight to survive, especially after his father died when he was only eighteen. But again, like John, Howard did not give up. This is a man who had to deal with enormous expectations from an early age. He faced the crippling pressure of inheriting a vast fortune as a teenager, while having no one on his side and wondering if he could trust anyone. He suffered all the pain and fears that come with being put in a mental hospital and being unable to get out. My friend knows the loneliness of struggling to be your own person in a world that was created by someone who is now dead.
As I said at the start, these two were unlikely candidates to become great friends. But God is a God of surprises, and the Bible is filled with examples of unlikely friendships. Think of David the simple shepherd who became best friends with Jonathan, the son of the king who wanted to kill David; the interracial and interreligious friendship between Ruth, the pagan from Moab, and Naomi, the Jew from Israel; or Esther the Jewish servant girl and Ahasuerus the king of the entire Persian Empire; or Paul the highly educated rabbi and Peter the uneducated fisherman. So really, this friendship between John the sharecropper’s son and Howard the heir to his father’s fortune is just another example of what happens when God is invited into a relationship.
John and Howard first met at a conference on racial reconciliation and justice. Howard had gone to hear John specifically. After John’s presentation, Howard asked him a question. John gave him a quick answer and moved on to the next question. But after the session, Howard gave John a book and John realized that this young man was serious about his life and faith. And Howard realized that John had much to teach him. From then on, their friendship grew. After hours of talking and traveling together, John invited Howard to serve on his ministry board. Since then, they’ve impacted the world for good and for God.
One of the things you’ll love about Paul Marshall’s book is its authenticity. This is not an idealized story. Both of these men have experienced a lot of pain in life and seen a lot of suffering. Every journey of friendship has bumps in the road. But true friends share all the emotions of life, not just the happy ones. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves you all the time and is born to help in times of trouble.” Friends walk into your life when everyone else walks out. I’m proud of the authenticity and vulnerability that John and Howard model through their stories.
As you begin reading this book, let me suggest one way you might get the most out of it. First, using a highlighter, every time you read an example of a principle of friendship, underline it. Then, decide to become a friend of someone who is unlike you. Review your list of principles. Next, ask God to help you. Pray this: “Father, lead me to the person you want me to build a bridge of love to so that they might get to know you personally.” If you’re serious about that prayer, I guarantee God will direct you to that right person. May God bless you!
The following was an excerpt from “Called to be Friends, Called to Serve” (Cascade Books, 2025). Used with permission from Wipf and Stock Publishers. Learn more about the book and its short documentary at calledtobefriends.org.