(ANALYSIS) Funerals — often thought of as solemn events filled with grief and mourning — are starting to take on a different tone.

In Britain, anyway.

According to recent research from Co-op Funeralcare, the UK.’s largest funeral provider, more people view funerals as opportunities to celebrate life, rather than occasions for somber reflection. It’s a shift that’s redefining how the Brits, renowned for their stiff upper lips, are saying goodbye to their loved ones.

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The report, based on insights from over 500,000 funerals held in the last five years, makes for a fascinating read. It reveals that an estimated 38 million people in the U.K. — around 68% of the population — now see funerals as a celebration of life. This marks a noticeable increase from 2019, when only 58% held this view. It’s clear that people are increasingly choosing to create personalized, uplifting events that reflect the personality and life of the individual. Tradition, it seems, is being turned on its head. Or ignored completely. 

More than half of Co-op Funeralcare’s funeral directors have reported moving away from traditional practices, with families opting for customized send-offs. As the report notes, we’re talking about everything from Dr. Who-themed services and glitter-covered coffins, to mourners turning up in soccer shirts rather than the usual black attire.

In fact, funerals are becoming less about following a set template and more about designing a farewell that truly reflects the life of the deceased. This is the age of bespoke burials.

But in the pursuit of personalization, are we running the risk of turning these occasions into a complete farce? Where do we draw the line? Is there even a line? In places of worship, should there be lines? These are questions worth asking, though perhaps they warrant an essay of their own.

Location, location, location

Even the locations of funerals are changing. While churches and crematoriums remain common, nearly 60% of Co-op Funeralcare’s funeral directors say there’s been an increase in requests for ceremonies to be held in more personal settings.

Whether it’s a castle, a sports center, or even a betting shop, people are increasingly looking to hold funerals in places that meant something to the person who passed away.

And it’s not just about where the funeral takes place or what people wear.

The shift toward personalization extends to the objects placed in coffins and the elements incorporated into the ceremony. Traditional keepsakes like photographs and letters are still popular, but families are also including more unusual items, such as snooker cues, cigarettes or even cell phones.

These personal touches allow family members to create a final farewell that feels truly reflective of the person’s life and interests.

Selfie sticks and social media

Unsurprisingly, the role of pets in funerals is another growing trend. It’s not uncommon for loved ones to request that a pet be part of the service. Three-quarters of funeral directors, according to the report, have received requests for pets to attend funerals and more than 60% of respondents in their survey believe it’s important that pets are able to be present at their owner’s send-off. 

Technology is also beginning to play a role in how funerals are conducted and remembered. Almost one-third of funeral directors have seen mourners posting on social media during services, and it’s becoming more common for people to take selfies at funerals. Again, one could raise the question about drawing lines.

Are we running the risk of turning send-offs into narcissistic fodder for our social feeds rather than focusing on the person we are there to celebrate?

However, Gill Stewart, managing director of Co-op Funeralcare, notes that these personal touches do more than just reflect the individuality of the person being remembered. They can also help those left behind by providing some comfort and even a bit of levity during what is otherwise a very difficult time.

The pandemic also played a role in changing how people think about funerals. It has prompted many to consider their own end-of-life wishes more deeply. However, Co-op Funeralcare’s research shows that many people continue to shy away from discussing their funeral wishes with loved ones.

In fact, half of the respondents admitted they've never had that conversation, and two-thirds have yet to make any plans for their own funerals. Yet, for those who are willing to talk about their final farewell, the discussions are becoming a little more colorful and a lot more humorous. 

John Mac Ghlionn is a researcher and essayist. He covers psychology and social relations. His writing has appeared in places such as UnHerd, The US Sun and The Spectator World.