A 20-minute drive from Kashmir’s largest city of Srinagar, in the town of Baba Wayil village in Ganderbal District, people are waging war against dowry, an age-old practice still highly prevalent in India.

Giving and taking dowry and lavish weddings are totally banned in this tiny hamlet of 6,000 people in central Kashmir. Local officials realized the insidious effect of high-rolling dowries on young people pursuing marriage and families.

“We are fortunate that our village in Kashmir has taken the lead in being dowry free,” Mohammad Altaf Shah, the village head, or “sarpanch,” of Baba Wayil said. “Presently there are two villages in India where the practice of dowry has been completely banned: Nilambar village in Kerala and Baba Wayil in Kashmir.”

The dowry is an ancient concept prevalent among all major religious groups in India. It involves giving gifts, cash, jewellery, furniture, vehicles and other costly items from the bride’s family to the groom and his family as a precondition for marriage.

The amount of money and goods given by the bride’s side also depends on the caste and the financial status of the family involved. On occasions, the groom’s family negotiates dowry with the bride’s family before marriage. The practice of dowry then reinforces class, status and wealth barriers in the country.

Taxing the women

Studies have shown that women in Jammu-Kashmir are getting married later than women in other parts of India. Scores of women in Kashmir tend to marry at an older age. Social activists say poverty and dowry are the chief reasons for late marriages.

According to the Government Sample Registration System survey in 2018, the mean age of women for marriage in Jammu-Kashmir is 26.7 years, compared to the national mean age of 22.3 for women to get married in India. 

“There is a trend of late marriages in Kashmir, and a prime reason for that is demands for dowry from the groom’s side,” Zahoor Ahmad Tak, chairman of J&K Yateem (Orphan) Trust said. “But there are other reasons as well, like women want to go for higher education first and also a lot of time goes searching for employment before their marriage.”

Due to the dowry system, women are seen as a liability. Although providing dowry is illegal, the practice is common in many parts of India for a groom to seek dowry from the bride’s family. Brides and their families spend millions on dowries paid in cash and goods like refrigerators, air conditioners and cars. Cases have been reported where excessive expectations from families of grooms have led to extortion, violence and abuse towards women.

“The practice of dowry must end. Why is the need for the bride's side to give expensive goods to their daughter as a condition for marriage,” said Mehwish Waheed, a law student. “It’s just a show off. When the rich indulge in the evil practice of dowry, the poor are only forced to follow.”

Social activists in Kashmir say in the past, it was the opposite. The groom used to pay money to the family of the bride for making wedding arrangements while the bride’s family didn’t have to give any dowry.

“The groom’s family used to bear all the expenses for the bride's wedding. The money set aside by the groom for that was called ‘pachil’ in Kashmiri language.” Tak said.

A village fights back

Alarm bells rang in Baba Wayil village more than three decades ago. Moved by stories of violence against women due to dowry, the village decided to fight back. The village elders came together to form specific guidelines to ban the practice of dowry and lavish weddings. A penalty was imposed on those deflecting from the guidelines. People breaking rules were banned from praying in the local mosque and refused a burial in the village graveyard.

The rules set in motion according to Islamic traditions by the village elders back then were later formalized in the shape of a written set of guidelines for everybody in the village to follow.

According to the village ruling, the groom’s family cannot demand dowry from the bride’s side. The groom’s family can present the bride with a maximum of $675 comprising $270 as the “mahr” paid directly by the groom to the bride, another $270 to be used by the bride for her wedding clothes and $135 for bridal expenses. The bride and her family have to spend nothing.

In Islam, mahr is the obligation, in the form of money or possessions paid by the groom, to the bride at the time of marriage. While the mahr is often money, it can also be anything agreed upon by the bride, such as jewelry or land.

“It is mentioned in the Quran, don’t cross your limits. Take that much burden which you can bear,” said Bashir Ahmad, an imam at a mosque in Baba Wayil village.

Mohammad Shafi Shah’s daughter’s wedding at Baba Wayil took place according to the village guidelines. No elaborate arrangements were made and there was no long guest list. Unlike the multi-course “wazwan” meal, which comprises meat based dishes, fewer food preparations were served to guests.

“We have taken $700 from the groom'’s family for the wedding of my daughter. My daughter doesn’t demand anything from me as she is aware about the financial constraints of the family. It is easy for families like ours to marry off our children if we follow those rules,” Shah said.

“I have three daughters. We will go for simple marriage ceremonies without any dowry; otherwise I won’t be able to marry any of my daughters.”

Dowry death & murder

Indian laws are against dowry, but they are largely ineffective. Reports of dowry deaths and murders keep surfacing. India has by far the highest number of dowry-related deaths in the world. In 2020, reported dowry death cases in India amounted to nearly 7,000. This was a gradual decrease from 2014, in which this number was approximately 8,500.

“We often hear about incidents of domestic violence due to dowry — this is unacceptable,” said Mohammad Altaf Shah, the village head. “Women who don’t bring dowry are subjected to ill treatment. They are put under immense pressure. On occasions people are forced to sell their land to arrange for dowry and lavish weddings.”

The practice of curbing the menace of dowry is now spreading to other places of Kashmir as well, with grooms and brides voluntarily rejecting the practice.

Ghazala Nabi from North Kashmir’s Sopore opted for a simple marriage. Her father died when she was just four years old. She got her employment in 2021. The family was financially constrained. Her two younger sisters and mother supported her, and the groom also stood by her decision. No dowry exchanged hands.

“People in Kashmir suffer due to conflict and adverse climatic conditions. Marriage proposals of poor girls get rejected at times, leading to late marriages in Kashmir,” Gazala Nabi said. “I got inspired when I heard about the Baba Wayil village, where dowries are banned and simple marriages are the norm. The same must be repeated in other places of Kashmir.”

Editor’s note: Funding from Google’s News Equity project helped sponsor this story.

Zaffar Iqbal is a journalist based in Kashmir, India. He has reported for 18 years on armed encounters, environmental issues, crime, politics, culture and human rights. He’s formerly the bureau chief of Jammu-Kashmir for NDTV.