NEW YORK— Denya Hamilton is both an ambitious businesswoman and “submissive” wife, committed to both her marriage and household as well as her career in New York City. She co-owns a marketing and public relations firm, Sow and Tell, with her husband, a Christian hip hop artist, and adheres to a theology that teaches her husband is the God-ordained leader of their home. 

Despite following the traditional biblical attitudes towards submission or being “under the mission” of her husband, Hamilton, 26, believes women can have their own God-ordained missions as well.

“Just because a woman has her own business and dreams doesn’t mean that she is not able to fulfill her role as a wife and mother,” said Hamilton, who attends Christ Crucified Fellowship, a non-denominational church in New York. 

While Hamilton’s reading of the Bible that calls for wives to prioritize God, husbands, family and then business can be seen as counter-cultural, many millennial, Christian women of color like Hamilton are welcoming the challenge to fulfill those obligations while stepping outside of traditional gender roles in marriage.

Black Protestants are more likely than white mainline Protestants and evangelicals to align with conservative theological views of complementarianism, or gender roles in heterosexual marriage. When asked about the statement, “A husband’s job is to earn money; a wife’s job is to look after the home and family,” almost 30% of Black Protestants agreed in 2018, compared to 21% of evangelicals of all races, according to a study by Ryan Burge, associate professor of political science at Eastern Illinois University. In 2008, about 35% of Black Protestants and 37% of evangelicals agreed with the same statement.

So while religious support for stricter gender roles is retreating under shifting cultural norms (and remains a minority view even among Christians), Black Protestants are less likely to embrace the more egalitarian views for husbands and wives than evangelicals and mainline Protestants as a whole. And yet, that often plays out in seemingly egalitarian ways. 

Natasha Lambkin, a Christian entrepreneur and fashion designer, hopes to break the stereotype that women can’t be assertive and have leadership qualities, while also being submissive.

“To some people being submissive is bowing down and having your husband run all over you,” Lambkin said. “That’s not what it says in the Bible… With society creating this ideal that women should stay home with the kids, that’s society, but what does God say?”

Emari Parsons, a Christian entrepreneur who runs a beauty and lifestyle platform, SoulStyleBeauty, on top of working as a full-time grade school teacher, said that it is important for Christian women to go into the dating process being authentic and honest about their ambitions.

 “I feel like my fiancé loves and respects me enough to know that I have my own dreams and passions,” Parsons said. “He respects me enough to let me pursue things that God has led me to.”

Parsons, 28, strongly believes in biblical submission, but while she is preparing to adjust to her new role as a wife, she also hopes to stay true to herself. 

 “You shouldn’t have to dilute certain parts of yourself,” Parsons said. “I think it is very important to do the things that set you apart as an individual.”

Christians who support women taking on traditionally male roles in leadership and business, sometimes considered “progressive,” make their theological arguments by looking at documents of the early church.

“There are many early Christian writings where women had different, more prominent roles in society,” said Rannfrid Thelle, a Bible scholar and professor of religion at Wichita State University.

She referred to a letter written by the Apostle Paul in the New Testament, where he sends greetings to a list of people who were working to spread the gospel of Christ, many of whom were women. Thelle said that the church was surprisingly progressive in the early Christian movement, a movement that she describes as revolutionary. But as society moved in a more conservative direction, so did the church.

 “There was tremendous pressure on these small groups to conform to society at large,” Thelle said.

The selection of texts that would ultimately be a part of the New Testament reflects the early church’s desire to show that Christians were not a threat to society or disruptive to social norms, according to Thelle. Out of this selection came what is known today as “the household codes.”

Sometimes found hanging on a wall or on a plaque inside Christian homes, the “codes” represent four passages of scripture that define the differing roles of a husband and wife. One of the passages, found in Ephesians 5:21, explains the hierarchical structure of Christian marriage. It states, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” Another code is found in Colossians 3:18: “Married women, be submissive to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”

Thelle said that scriptures like these have often been the root of patriarchal worldviews, which have led to unequal opportunities for women. This has been a form of frustration for many Christian women, who believe that although God created men and women functionally different, they are still equal. 

Lambkin, 33, runs a faith-based clothing brand that promotes modesty in fashion. She hopes to be married one day and has already planned how she will balance her roles of wife and fashion designer.

“I’m a businesswoman but being a wife should come before my business,” Lambkin said. “First is God then your husband. I have to make sure that I don’t devote too much time with my business, than I do with my husband. I believe I’m not playing my part and being submissive of what God says about marriage and a help mate.” 

Being is a “helper” is a prescription that goes back to the book of Genesis. After God created Adam, he found it not good for the man to be alone, so he created Eve, a woman, to be his helper.

For some Christian women, a part of embracing who they are means embracing their femininity.

Shavon White, a media consultant and founder of Seek Your Truth, a faith-based non-profit organization that empowers women to work on seeking the truest version of themselves, said that she took a leadership role in a previous relationship and that strained the relationship. White, 34, vows to do things differently next time. 

 “I’m a business woman but when I am at home with my husband, I’ll be submitted to him,” White said. “I don’t have to be a boss all day, at work and at home.” 

Parsons expressed a similar sentiment. She hopes to see women move away from what she calls the “superwoman complex,” a desire to accomplish everything and have an “independent woman aura,” which could end up taking away from a husband’s leadership.

“You’re called to be your husband’s helpmate but you’re not supposed to take on the heavy burden of everything in life,” Parsons said. “I think that eventually it gets to be very overwhelming and exhausting. If you have a problem asking for help, it is a ‘you’ issue.”

Women like Parsons trust casting their husbands in a leadership role because they believe if he has submitted to God, his headship will ultimately steer them in the right direction, toward God’s will for their lives. 

 “If my husband says, yo babe, I don’t think this is a great idea, I would submit to my husband,” Parsons said. “I trust that he is hearing from the Lord.” 

For Hamilton, submission means adjusting work hours. When her husband approached her about her gruesome work schedule, they came to a decision that she would stop work at 7 p.m.

 “I made those boundaries known to my clients,” Hamilton said. “I’m affirming to my husband that he is my number one priority.”

Businesswomen like them not only want their husbands to be understanding of their roles in the workplace, but also hope their spouses will join them as partners in their work.

 “I want a man who’s involved in my business,” Lambkin said. “It could be practical things, like business advice, or it could be taking a certain position within the company.”

For Hamilton, she and her husband view each other’s passions as one in the same. 

 “We work as a team,” she explained. “We made an agreement that we didn’t have to change who God called us to be when we got married.” 

Others in their church community, however, stress that men and women are given different roles for a purpose.

If society followed biblical protocols, like the household codes, everything else would fall into place, according to White. 

“With my future husband, all decisions have to go through him,” White said. “That’s the way our household will be delegated. That’s the way God intended.”

Thelle said that she has noticed a current trend in her community toward more conservative views of Christianity, which could be influenced by increased polarization within American society. She also suggested that churches are currently focused on ethical issues, like marriage, women’s roles, same-sex relationships and the gender spectrum; these conversations impact theological attitudes. 

 “These ethical questions are fairly recent in Christian history,” Thelle said. “I think it has to do with changes in the society. I would be kind of worried if the church didn’t respond to the current issues of the time.”

She offered a word of caution to Christians hoping to return to the good ol’ days of tradition around men and women’s roles.

 “Even going back to the 19th century, there were women arguing that they should be able to preach,” Thelle said. “They were going out and doing it. Many of them were African American.”

Lambkin hopes to break the stereotype that women can’t be assertive and have leadership qualities, while also being submissive.

“To some people being submissive is bowing down and having your husband run all over you,” Lambkin said. “That’s not what it says in the Bible.”

Hamilton said that many men fear or are intimidated by determined, go-getting women.

 “All these men say I want an ambitious, independent woman but I think a lot of men are afraid of women being greater than them,” she said.

She said she is fortunate for her husband’s outlook on her ambition.

 “My husband is great because he is like ‘you’re greater than me,’” Hamilton said. “He said ‘If you’re shining, I’m shining too!’”

Kelly Wairimu Davis is a recent graduate of the Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism and an intern at CNN.